I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Acid is not a monday night drug
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
