it wasn't lemon gatorade
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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