If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
