Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
