dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
