I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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