he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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