I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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