I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
