I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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