Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
