i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you win again, gameday.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
