he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
