a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
