Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
