I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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