You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize