My hair reeks of homosexuality.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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