you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
