Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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