I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
