I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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