my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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