woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
