he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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