I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The uberlube is also flammable
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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