How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And my parents said I crawled through the house
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize