The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just cropdusted the office
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize