also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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