New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
