i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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