He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
