threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
