mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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