Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
