Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
