do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
