I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
