I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't put those talents on a resume
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
