Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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