I think I am morally bankrupt
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
