I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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