I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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