It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
