maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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