I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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