Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
