Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
