A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
