I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
