i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize