We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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