i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
