booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
pray to the hookup gods
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize