i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize