A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
