Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
