True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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