Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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