It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
