Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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