I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
