i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
