He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize