I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
