You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
