Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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