If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
