I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
