I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
