If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize