I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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